[Awakening]

It's completely okay to feel anger and resentment towards your parents, but I think that hate is a very strong word. I know you are frustrated with your mom and that is absolutely okay, every single one of us has been absolutely infuriated with our parents at some time or another. It's basically just a given. But you have to understand that regardless of whether or not you agree with your mom's actions, they come from good intent. I think it would be hard to truly hate someone who cares about you so much, and I think you are mislabeling your anger as hatred. You might be mad right now and it is understandable that you are, but I think that at the end of the day you still love your mom and appreciate her for the ways she has helped you and been there for you.

Here's the first thing you need to understand: No one is ever going to worry about you as much as your mother does. My mom used to drive me crazy by worrying about me constantly and being so protective. I thought she was being absolutely crazy for being so paranoid about things, and I just wanted her to leave me alone so I could make my own decisions and live my own life. But the older I have gotten the more I can understand where she was coming from and why she did the things that she did. In the moment it is infuriating, but I promise you that one day you will come to appreciate how much your mom has cared for you.

And the second thing you need to understand is that parents aren't perfect. When I was younger I had such a misconception of parents, and of adulthood. I thought that they were supposed to have it all figured out, that adults were meant to have it all together all of the time and that parents weren't supposed to make mistakes. But that's not the way it works at all. I guarantee that your mom has spent a lot of time throughout your life worrying that she is not raising you the right way, and wondering if her decisions are the right ones. She has more than likely made a lot of mistakes and has a few things she would have done differently, and she is just trying to be the best parent she can be for you. This is why you have to understand that everything she does for you, no matter how annoying it is, she does because she cares about you. Don't look so much at her actions as much as where her actions are coming from. For instance it might be irritating that your mom is so invested in helping you with college, but don't look at it as simply her being controlling and annoying; realize that the only reason she is acting the way she is is because she cares about you. Her actions might not always be okay, but her reasons behind them should make them at least a little bit more forgivable.

I also think you need to sit down with your mom and actually talk about how you are feeling about the way she is handling this. There is difference between sitting down and having a rational conversation, and defending yourself in the moment. When you get angry and yell at your mom for her actions, she is automatically going to get defensive and think you are just being rude rather than bringing up legitimate concerns. Wait for a day where you are both in a decent mood, and sit down with her to talk about how you are feeling. Don't come across as accusatory or act like you are trying to start a conflict. Just let her know how this whole situation makes you feel in a way that does not make it seem like you are trying to defend yourself or attack her. Just have a normal conversation, and she might respond a lot more reasonably. Nothing good comes from speaking out of anger, and no conflict is going to be resolved that way.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but you are so lucky that your mom wants to help you lead a good life. Maybe her approach is a bit off sometimes (she is only human and she is bound to make mistakes) but it sounds like she truly cares about you, and you are so very lucky to have that. I absolutely know how you feel... that feeling that you just want to live your own life and you don't want your mom butting in all the time and trying to control what you do. But take it from someone who has been there: Don't take it for granted. In a few years you are going to be out on your own, making all of your own decisions and getting to live your life just how you want it. But it's not always all that it's cracked up to be, and you should get all the help that you can while you can still get it. It is not fun to be thrown out into the world on your own when you have no idea what you are doing. Your mom is trying to help prepare you for the real world. She wants you to get good grades so you can go to college and have a good career. She wants to help you become successful on your own, and you are incredibly lucky to have someone to help you do that. You don't have to figure out all that scary adult stuff on your own, and I promise you that that is going to make your life so much easier. Try to be willing to accept your mom's help and advice, even if sometimes it is unwanted. I bet you will be very grateful to have it in the future.

I hope this helps a little, and you are more than welcome to message me if you ever want to talk things through a little more. Take care!