TeenHelp - View Single Post - I'm 16 and my parents won't let me hang out with friends on my own?

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Hey there!

Honestly, I can very much understand how deeply frustrating and upsetting this is for you. I can also see how it would make any events you were once excited for a lot less exciting and just simply making you stop looking forward to it as much. The reality is, the world is dangerous and your parents are probably just trying to protect you in the best way they know how. Which is a misguided way due to your father's less-than-perfect childhood and the fact that they tend to become more paranoid by watching TV shows centered around the subjects that scare them so much.

Despite all of that, I do very much believe your family does love you and are just protecting you and probably don't see just how much this affects your enjoyment and happiness over spending time with your friends and attending events. I can appreciate and admire your parent's love for you and the fact they just want to keep you safe, but being with a group of friends (as long as they're observant and responsible) is a good way to stay safe in public.

Perhaps you could sit down with them when they are in a fairly good mood and things are calm around the household? They seem to be misunderstanding your point since your dad mentions he knows you "hate him" when that definitely doesn't seem to be the case. So it would be best to have a respectful, polite heart to heart with them about your feelings, how their ways are affecting you, reassure them and allow them to also voice their concerns about why they do what they do.

Let them know you don't hate them, you love them but you're just really frustrated. Explain how you understand in a way how they would be worried for you but that their ways affect your enjoyment during events and impacting gaining general independence, reassure them that you stay with your friends in a group (if you truthfully do stay with them) and ask them if there are any compromises or ways you could enjoy events with your friends and also make them feel okay about it. Dez has some good ideas about compromises. If you don't have a phone, perhaps you could ask them about getting you a phone for that specific purpose or maybe you could borrow your mom or dad's cell just when you go places with friends, and you could call and check in every once in awhile? You could also ask your mom first then invite your friends over for dinner so your parents can get to know them better.

Talking to your parents in a respectful, understanding tone and acknowledging their reasons behind their ways while sharing how it's making you feel is the best way to get through to them while maintaining a close, good relationship with them. Showing that you'd be more than happy to compromise rather than going against their wishes is something they would appreciate I think.

I hope you and your parents can come to a solution and compromise that both you and your parents are happy with. Best of luck and let us know how things go for you.