[Megane]

Greetings, I'm Megane and I would like to share my experience with depression; from mild depression to having suicidal episodes out of severe emotional distress.

I'm 14 years old, male and my life has simply been a series of unfortunate events after the other. I live as an only child and grew up with parents always arguing with each other and taking their anger out on me, whether it be yelling, passive-aggressive insults or even to the point of having objects thrown at my head in the rarest of occasions. I always had self-esteem issues growing up and I knew since I was very little that I wanted to be a scientist/physicist, but I never had any confidence in myself or could even love myself to believe that. My parents love for me is conditional as they hardly ever talk to me anymore and they only focus on my talents or gifts. I've rarely been hugged, kissed or even given compliments growing up, so I only find myself empty of affection because of that. Going to elementary school was hard too, even though I made a lot of accquantances, I got verbally abused and even got physicially bullied by different people over the years. On top of that, I failed the gifted and talent test on the first try and when I took it again, I still failed. Yet somehow, when I take the Mensa test that actually measures intelligence, I get a very high score of 148. That's not even the beginning though, in middle school I was threatened, bullied and isolated to a degree and there wasn't anything I could do about it. However, at the point in 8th grade where I thought I had everything, all A honor roll at my years at both elementary and middle school, having a lot of friends, a girlfriend and even winning an award for best male scholar out of the entire 8tj grade. Only to then have it all taken away from me when my girlfriend kept insulting me and accusing me of destructive behavior and eventually completely hating me while making more friends only to rub it in my face. My friends are all either; away, moved, gone, dislike me, make fun of me, hate me or don't care about me at all. My parents are divorcing very soon, family issues are getting worse and I've found myself all alone and filled with regret.

It's been one year since I've tried to commit suicide and I'm still fighting despite the circumstances.

I'm empty on the inside and I want to be happy again.