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Re: Is this depression? -
August 14th 2015, 11:58 PM
Hey! 
Glad to see that you're reaching out and opening up about your feelings; that's really great. Although, I'm sorry you're struggling. These feelings you describe sound really difficult to deal with. I'm really glad you haven't began self-harming though. That's a huge positive and I hope you don't end up feeling as you have to resort to self-harm. I've read of many people who have turned to self-harm to cope and became addicted to it, which only further progressed their problems in the end. If you ever feel as you may turn to self-harm then I definitely recommend to reach out to someone.
As you mentioned, none of us can diagnose you as we have yet to earn degrees in psychology.  But we can offer our insight and encourage you to seek help. From what you described, there is always that possibility that it could be depression especially since it's impacting how you feel towards yourself and intrudes during moments when you should feel happy, like after going to the cinema for example. Is it okay if I ask how long you've had these feelings for? If they've been affecting you for a long period of time then it sounds even more concerning. But then again, there's always that chance that it could also be hormones because hormones can dramatically affect a person's mood and thoughts. That's important to keep in mind also. Are you able to see a psychiatrist for a mental health assessment? That might be a good idea as you'll have better knowledge on what you're dealing with and also be able to seek help for the feelings you're struggling with. It might be a good idea to also reach out to someone in your life whether it be your parents, a family member, a friend or your school counselor.
You mentioned that you have a lot of trouble expressing yourself, that even writing doesn't help you do so anymore? I'm not sure what type of writing you do, but would it help if you tried different types of writing? For example, if you mainly write poetry, then could it help to try writing song lyrics or a story? Journaling could also be helpful as you have a place to vent all your thoughts and feelings. I was wondering if you had tried taking up other methods of self-expression such as music, art, crafts etc. Occupying yourself with hobbies and such can be a fun way to cheer yourself up. I realize you never self-harmed, but have you ever looked through the self-harm alternatives list? There's a list of ways that you can express yourself and release anger but in ways that aren't harmful to you. Like popping bubble wrap, popping balloons, having a pillow fight with the wall, ripping up newpapers etc. That's just to name a few.
Something I thought is worth mentioning is that moderate exercise and getting daily sunlight releases endorphins and can help your mood. Along with that, your diet and sleep pattern is two things that can also be affecting how you feel. Making sure you're getting enough sleep, moderate exercise and a healthy diet consisting of vitamins and protein can at least help, even if it isn't the root cause.
When you look in the mirror, try looking for what you do like about yourself. Whether it be your hair or your eyes. Just focus on what you do like and try finding others. Remember that the mirror shows so little of a person. I imagine you have a lot of great qualities and things about you that a mirror doesn't have the ability to show. Perhaps it might help to make a list of your positive qualities and things you do like about yourself to help remind yourself of them and to help you embrace those things?
Even though you're obviously struggling with these feelings, always keep in mind that no negative feelings are forever. You can always push through the tough things, okay? You're strong and you do this. Of course, you have the support of TeenHelp and you're more than welcome to reach out anytime.
Hope this helped. I hope you feel better soon, M. Take care and stay strong. You're welcome to message me if you need anything!
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