[Awakening]

Firstly I want to say that there are a LOT of people who attend college who have absolutely no idea what they want to do with their lives. I know a couple people who changed their major multiple times, and people who have graduated and have careers and wish they had done something differently. Here's a secret about the world; literally nobody knows what the hell they are doing.

I used to think that once you hit a certain age you are supposed to have everything figured out. I have only realized recently that that is sooo untrue. I was supposed to do well in high school, supposed to go to college, supposed to have a successful career by my mid twenties. It definitely did not work out that way, and I have been unhappy with myself for a long time because of it. But here's the thing:

You're not SUPPOSED to do anything. Your life is your own. You don't have to follow the wishes of others. You don't have to follow society's guidelines to success or stick to a strict timeline of what you're supposed to do and when you're supposed to do it.

Success can be defined in so many different ways. Maybe your idea of success doesn't include graduating college or making millions. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Life is too short to worry about what you're 'supposed' to be doing, or what other people want you to do. Do what makes you happy. That's honestly all there is to it. I know people who have received Masters degrees and are very unhappy with their lives. I know people who work as janitors and waitresses and and are some of the happiest people I have met. There is more to success than education and a high paying career. Some people might need both of these in order to lead a happy life, and that's totally fine. But other people might not find them necessary, and that's completely fine too. It's all about doing what makes you happy.

But first, you have to figure out what is going to make you happy in the first place. You won't be happy if you can't identify what it is that will make you happy. Personally I always thought it was ridiculous that people are meant to know what they want to do with their lives when they have lived more than half of them sitting in a classroom and not even truly getting to know the world. Maybe there are some people who can figure out what they want to do by taking an interesting class, but personally I'd rather go out and experience it. If you feel that sitting in class after class is not going to help you figure out who you want to be, then there is no reason you should have to do so. Consider going out and getting a job in an area that seems interesting to you, and spending your free time engaging in new activities until you find one that sticks. You don't have to be in school to learn about yourself and what you want to do with your life.

In my mind there is no use in spending money on school if you don't know for certain that that is what you want to do. Take some time to figure out what you want, or to decide what you need to do to figure out what you want, and then make your decision regarding school. There is absolutely no rush. You're only 19 years old, you have plenty of time to figure out what it is that you want. But the one thing you DON'T have time for is to live your life according to other people's expectations. Make your own decisions. Even if they turn out to not be such great ones, at least they were your own and you were living your life the way you truly wanted to.

I wish you the best of luck in whichever decision you make!