I'm kind of wanting to tell my aunt about my self-harm. You may be wondering why my aunt, and not a parent. Well, I'm in foster care and my foster mom (let's call her A), would not be very supportive of me. I am going to be living with my aunt by the end of the summer. I do not wish for A to find out about the self-harm. She is a very religious person. And although this makes absoutely no sense to me, she feels anybody who is depressed must not believe in God very much. And to be completely honest, I don't. But I'm not really here to get in a debate about it. A would not be very supportive of me because all this time I have lived with her, I have gone to her church and acted like I was believing in God. But, if I am self-harming, I'm not living up to her expectations or whatever. Her adopted daughter actually happened to tell me a story one time about A finding out a girl in her care was self-harming, and a lot of drama ensued. That girl ended up asking to be moved to a different foster home because apparently A was treating her very different than before and it was further depressing her.
I would like to tell my aunt about it because I know she would be supportive and when I live with her, I am going to need a lot of support because basically, it's just going to be a tough move in a lot of ways. So if I tell my aunt, I would be able to talk to her openly about what is going on. She has told me many times that anything I tell her would stay between us. I trust my aunt very much, and I would feel comfortable going to her to talk when I feel I am going to self-harm. At the moment, I am exactly four months free of self-harm and I am trying to keep that up.
My only problems with telling her right this minute are:
1) it's four am and she is sleeping
2) I am concerned that my self-harm would be one of those things she would need to tell A. And I have already expressed that I am not comfortable with that.
3) I really do not know how to approach the subject. I have always been the type of person who will not talk about their feelings. I wouldn't feel comfortable writing a letter to tell her. She has two kids, my cousins, whom I don't want them to know. One is only seven years old, and they both get up frequently at night. I would be concerned that one of them would pick up the letter and read it. They are both very nosy. I can't just hand it to her, because she leaves for work at four am and I am not going to bother her then. If I give it to her in the afternoon/evening, she will most likely set it down to read later and my cousins will again read it. I am probably going to have to tell her in person. It will be kind of hard for me, but I know it will be the best option. My only issue is how to get her without my cousins there. I can't take her out for coffee or anthng because I don't have money and my cousins would be there anyway. There is nowhere in this house that we can talk privately. And even if I do get her, how on earth do I start a conversation about that type of thing.
My aunt knows very little about depression and things like that. I know this already. So I would be in for a very long, deep conversation just to explain self harm to her. I know she would never comprehend how causing myself pain and scarring up my skin is even something that would make me able to release my emotions or feel better, or why it s hard to stop and stay away from in stressful/emotionally trying situations. So how would I explain to her?

To be honest, right now my plan is to wait until I move in and tell her then. Because then she wouldn't tell A. But I'm afraid if I wait, I will procrastinate and end up relapsing because I waited to tell her and missed my opportunity. And I really want to never go back to self-harm. Four months is the longest I ever stopped for. I know it may not seem huge, but it is for me. And I am currently visiting her right now, and Ihave only been here Wednesday night. Thursday, and Friday. I am already extremely struggling not to relapse, especially considering this is the second night out of three that I haven't been able to sleep due to thinking so much about wanting to do it. I leave on Sunday though. I know if I make it until I leave, I won't be nearly so tempted. But just two days is enough to make me want to relapse. So i know if I am going to live here permanently, I'm going to need her help for a little while. So any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just really can't figure out how to do this, or when, and how to explain self-harm.

I'm sorry this is so long, it's really a lot of problems trying to do it. i know I need to though.