[Celyn]

Hey there,

Did the man let you smoke the weed before you had sex? If he did, that doesn't count as consent to sex because you were under the influence of the weed, and so that may have been rape. As for the second time, even though you didn't say 'no', did you say yes? A lot of people think that if they don't say 'no' then they consented- but that's not true either. As you said, you didn't feel safe and didn't know what to do, so you may have felt scared to say 'no' and pressured to go along with it- which is rape or at least abusive, if you weren't 100% comfortable in continuing.

I think you should stay away from this guy in the future. It's worrying that he said he wouldn't have stopped, and that his friend wanted to watch too, but didn't tell you this beforehand. You're also right about using safe words in role play too. As Hilary said, there is no shame in asking others for help, even financially. Do you have anyone to talk to about this? It's natural to find these situations confusing and it can help a lot being able to talk about it, or at least write down your feelings.

Take care