[Butter]

My boyfriend and I have been dating since the seventh grade. What started off as pity dating because my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend dumped me and I had nothing left to lose turned into the most important thing in my life. I have always had a hard time clicking with people emotionally. We just got along so well. We are often known to be inseparable. We really don't have any other close friends, we have buddies that we play online games with, but nobody shares a relationship with us that holds a candle to the relationship we have with each other. We are each other's best friends. It's almost a perfect relationship.

Almost. He is a full year ahead of me. He is a star student and can get into almost any college he can afford. He has his eye on the same places his older brother went to, roughly 30 minutes away from where we live. I am happy for him, but I am almost scared. We spend almost every minute with eachother. He is the only person that I can sit around and not feel any anxiety. It is worth mentioning I have crippling anxiety that affects me at every moment of the day. If he rides his bike home, and doesn't text me back for a while after that, I immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion. He was probably hit by a car, murdered, hit by a train, beat up, etc. While what actually happened is that he went to get a haircut. I am not worried at all that he will find another girl, because I know he won't. I'm more worried about the separation from him and this new independence, which I don't want at all.

Not only that, but it's hard for me. I have a fear of growing up in general. Probably more of an anxiety than a fear. But I don't like seeing the round faced 8th grade boy with braces and long blond hair turn into this big collage kid who has to shave 3 times a week with longer blond hair. I still see him as a kid to me I know that he sees me the same way. I don't want to grow up yet, and seeing him grow up makes me know that soon I will have to too.

How will I deal with this new separation, and how will I get through my day and not worry that he was murdered or something for every second of it?

(I have tried reassureance with my anxiety. I've had anxiety since I was 8 and let me tell you, trying to convince myself it's a small possibility if any is near impossible.)