[Always *]

I am putting this in mental health cause I think it fits better.

Any ways, I just finished school about a month and a half ago. I have been trying to find "proper" employment, but it can take up to 6 months to find something in the correct field post graduation. It makes sense, and I am lucky that I am in a position to buy time if needed. But I have been left completely stalled since school ended. I couldn't move for 2 months, which hasn't happened yet. Because of obligations in the city I am relocating too, I can't just move where ever I want to get work.

I have no connections, which is making it hard to get a job in my field. But I am also not going to drive 2 hours out of my way for a meaningless mall job (anxiety-extreme) and staying with my boyfriends family is something I find extremely stressful and upsetting even though I love them so I can't even get a part time job at the mall to make money until I move.

It's awful. I've been trying to fill my time to feel productive. For example, I am trying to network more, but I am starting to slip into depression. I have already been wracked by anxiety because of the whole no-work thing, but now I am starting to feel hopeless, useless and incompetent. I feel like I don't know enough and like I am so stupid and stuff. I am so worried that I know I'll never get a job etc.

I know this sounds like a rage against how much careers suck, but that's not it. This is my anxiety and depression clouding my mind. I am always anxious, so what ever, but when I start feeling depressed (e.g. hopeless, not wanting to do anything, not even wanting to talk to my boo), then I know that things are getting bad. For example - During reading week, for example, I totally shut down and couldn't work, all I wanted to do was sleep and cry and lie around all week cause I was maximally anxious and depressed, I was unable to do work and I got into trouble with my boss for "slacking" so I told her I was sick (which I guess is true).

I've only been out of school for 1.5 months. This could go on for much longer. Of course, if I get a part time job I think I'll be feeling much better, but even that is still a few weeks away.

I know that this might sound stupid, which is why I am here, vs talking to my bf or friends cause I just can't deal with another reassuring talk about how "oh, you'll get a job soon" or "oh i know it's so hard, I went through the same / am going through the same" or "just keep trying" or "you'll find osmething" and endless reassurances about how great I am. Of course I deserve a job, I'm not fucking stupid and I don't think they understand that my problem is a mental one, not a "I odn't want to keep trying to find a job / other actual 'doing the work to get work'" issues

I don't think anyone really understands being depressed this quickly or the unnecessary anxiety that all of this causes me at the best of times.

I know the solution is to see a therapist, but my insurance doesn't cover it, and the social work types don't work for me, I need to see a psychologist. The psychologists are not covered in Canada, only a psychiatrist are (its cause one has a PhD, and one is an MD and only the MD is covered by provincial care, it's silly, but it's better than nothing). It means that I am looking at $150+ for an appointment, which I cannot afford, especially cause they are not going to solve my problem in 1 appointment, and I do not have $300+ (for 2+ appointments)... Therefore, I am really hoping that someone on TeenHelp will understand my struggles and at least be willing to talk