[darkwolf_2020]

Hey guys,
This may just end up being a rant, and i dont't know if this should go into mental health or not, so i apologize ahead of time.

So for my entire life i've been sorta anxious, but the past couple years, and now months , it has been getting worse.

I always just thought i was introverted, and that's why i never hang out with friends even in school. But now i dont ever want to be around people, all i want ever want to do is be alone. I cant think of anything that could have triggered it but over the past month it's gotten really bad, worse than anything before. At first i just though i was a little depressed(i get depressed for a few months every year on average), but it wouldn't go away. I began to isolate myself even more, even from my teachers who im usually pretty close to. I started to hate school, but also hate home which is new. And then my anxiety began to worsen .It wasn't much at first, but it got worse. Now, whenever my teacher says anything to me(evenjsut saying my name) i start to feel my heart race, by breathing quicken, i feel totally nauseas, sometimes get dizzy, get really hot, and my mind starts to race. If it's for simple things it only last a second, and then i can breath to calm myself down, but today it got the worse it has ever been. I think that's why i decied to finaly post.

So today in english we were doing a long term projet of drawing the world(yeah, we do art projects in jr. high)and i just started to freak out, and i mean freak out. My legs started to tap( more like bounce; my foot was still on the ground), uncontrollably. I started to feel sick to the stomach, a kind of dread feeling if you know what i mean. It would come in spurts, like i was doing better, but then i would just start to panic even more. The scariest thing was that it lasted off and on for around 20 minutes, and then i felt off for the next 45 minutes.Sorryn Im not doing the best job explaining this. Anyways, i felt totally helpless, and all i wanted was for it to stop. I think it may have been a mini panick attack, but i really dont know. I forgot to mention, but i've stopped talking unless absolutely nessisary, and if i try to talk to people i have the responces listed way above(including slight studdering).

I wrote another post about how i was thinking of asking for help, and people suggested that if i dont feel comfortable talking i should write a letter to a trusting adult, but even today when i had to leave note explaining that i had to leave early the next day(couldn't even say that), i felt my heart strat to race, and my head get hot.


Sorry for the long rant. This is the only place that i've ever shared anything about whats going on. im not looking for an accualy diagnosis, but in the abstract all i want to know is what's wrong with me because i dont even know why i freak out most of the time, and what i can do without completly losing it.

Thanks for listening to my rant, i just need to start letting this out because i think that it's just making it worse.

I would apreciate any advice, but i really just need suport and a place to rant.

Thanks again.