[hocus pocus]

I agree with what was said, I think you should talk to your parents about what you're going through. Be honest and let them know what they can do to help you. Perhaps you can see if counseling is an option? It can be amazing if you find a counselor that you click with. If you don't want to talk to your parents, maybe you can take the time to write a note and you can leave it where you know they'll find it.

In the meantime, take a look at some self-harm alternatives. You may find some of these helpful in fighting your urges. Remember that all urges will eventually pass, no matter how intense they are. Keep your head up and keep fighting!