[Hiraeth]

Figuring out "what we want to do in life" is challenging when our core well-being isn't the most stable. That's totally normal and natural. It's hard to know how we can best contribute to the external world without first gaining a solid sense of our internal configuration and being able to depend on it somewhat.

I always took the attitude of "take whatever comes along that seems to make sense for now". With the knowledge that it's probably not going to be long-term, that chances are I won't even enjoy it that much or be that good at it, but those things aren't the point; the point is having a source of income of some kind so I can focus on healing and getting to a place where making an informed decision about how to move forward career-wise, and identifying what my unique strengths are so I can invest in the right education tailored to developing those strengths.

I've been fortunate in the sense that opportunities have arisen at the right times to catch me from falling through and being stuck in a cycle of chronic poverty and unemployment. Some people aren't so lucky; some people encounter many more barriers, and "what's the point" is a natural response. Well maybe there isn't one. For some people staying on disability until they are more healed and able to cope with the challenges of starting from scratch is a reasonable option. However, there is really a lot to be said about the experience of persisting in and of itself, to try and become financially self-sufficient and independent, that is healing and empowering and challenges whatever harmful notions of ourselves we've learned from past experience. That, I think, has become "the point" for me.

Once you've gotten started in a direction and things are a little bit smoother, or at least start to carry a flow of its own and feel a bit less heavy on the resistance side, you can meet new challenges and barriers with the knowledge that you've persisted through much worse ones before. That awareness and experience is very powerful.