I went totally insane without
SH too. Meds really helped me a lot. I am really thank full for them. I would lookinto it if I were you.
And maybe you could do regular other things to vent the feeling. Take a quick run, journal, stim (if you do that, I hope you do) But do anything you can to release little bits of of pent up emotions reguraly. Bring a rubber band if needed and snap that often maybe it can release the need to self harm a little at a time. But I'd only do that as last resort. Good luck