This is a story which entails some of the events of my life
A life of struggles, struggles and strife
As a child, the memories are filled with hurt and pain
Things went wrong again and again,
Beatings and violence through a little girls eyes
A family full of conflict, secrets and lies
Invasion in so many ways, none of which a child should know
Preventing me from being happy, preventing me to grow
Many an accident I had in my school years,
Unable to control my bladder, always in tears.
Scared, petrified, unable to speak
A life so strong, but a child so weak.
Bullied by the other kids in my class,
I felt like a broken cracked glass
Cut and shattered in so many places
Bound together by invisible weak laces
From a very young age I found a way to cope,
But this painful self-destruction gave me little hope
Raped at 10, violated by blood.
Everything was always bad, nothing ever good
Emotional psychological verbal abuse,
I tried to run away but it was no use,
There was no escaping these demons skulking around,
No hope, no peace ever to be found
Neglect abandonment, torture and pain
Beaten and abused, again and again
Physical abuse and sexual too,
Is only a word of what I went through
Through high school, things remained the same
Again and again I suffered the same
Though now I hurt myself more than they hurt me
Starvation, self-mutilation but it wasn't easy
My world became a huge mess as people found out,
I couldn't even whisper that I wanted to shout
Ended up in a psych ward for kids and teens
Weeks turned to months in an NHS routine
Upon my discharge, I tried to make things better
But life may as well have given me a 'failure' letter
An injury, an illness, a bereavement too
Again only a fraction of what I went through
Moved up and down the country to try find a way
But there wasn't one peaceful safe place to stay
Another bereavement a best friend gone
I ended up getting more withdrawn
Family lost, in their pathways of lies
Undisguised by their truth-telling eyes
The hungry deceit left a trail of their mistakes
Causing nothing but misery and heartache
Still I carried on, and moved away again
Things turned around for me but no end to this pain
Raped again at 21 by a man I thought to be a friend
A liar and a bastard is all he was in the end
How much more can I take, I don't even know
Is there any further that I can even go?