[Kate*]

When you realize the degree that was pitched as your only option is worthless because everyone wants the one you almost had is NOT helping me move on.

I don't know if this will ever go away
I'm sick of grieving this
I'm sick of wanting something I will never have
I'm sick of trying to figure this out
I'm sick of being sick over this
And I'm sick of beating my head against the wall

I want it to go away

I think I still want what I wish it had been and not what it was, what it would've been if I had been born "normal". What I really wanted was/is for my way to be right. Different doesn't automatically mean wrong and he believed there was a way to work with me, why didn't you?! And since you could never tell me how I was dangerous, I don't think I was. I'll admit that it eventually became a train wreck, but that doesn't mean that different is wrong and not fixable and it doesn't mean I deserved what was said to my face by professionals who had so much TRAINING to know better that they bragged about it!

I NEED TO STOP WANTING WHAT I KNOW I WILL NEVER HAVE!!!!