Hello there, Charlie. Welcome back to
TH 
we're glad that you're reaching out to someone, even if it's just online support. Nevertheless, we're glad to help you with your problems in any way we can
I feel sorry for everything you've been through. Deciding which college to go while being held back with financial problem is tiring and stressful. I can understand why you're falling apart because it kind of sets your future in stone. However, you don't need to bear all of your burdens alone.
I see you're at the same age with me, so I am assuming you are still in high school. Do feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, though. Have you tried talking with your school counsellor? They are there to help struggling students like you with anything regarding college, such as which major to choose, which school to choose, and even admission process. If not, a teacher can be really helpful too.
Also, have you tried talking about your problems with your family? I understand that your parents don't want to apply for a loan, but at least you can try reaching out to the others in your family like your uncle, aunt, etc. Having a heart-to-heart talk session with them can help. You might not know it, but your family is there to help you with their best. Online support can be relieving, but having someone to reach out to in real life is more fulfilling.
It's great that you've been 7 months clean from
SH and you don't need to be afraid of relapsing because it's perfectly normal in recovering. However, hurting yourself impulsively is going to do nothing but harm to your body. If you'd like to, you can read
this thread. It gives you a list of alternatives to self harm. You can always get up and try again not to hurt yourself.
I hope this helps. I may not be good at giving advices, but I can certainly provide some ears to listen to whatever you need to talk about. Stay strong. We're here for you, if you ever need a helping hand.
Take care,
Karen