[Kate*]

I hope you didn't take that as weird or awkward. The more I think about it, the more I think you probably did. Either way, I'll be contacting you for a recommendation at some point, so please don't hold it against me. Some days I still feel like one more meeting with you would make everything okay somehow. If you had been there for the actual end, I would've gotten that and I might be doing better now, but I'm kind of glad you didn't handle it because I don't think I could've faced you.

--You made it sound like reapplying would pretty much be a formality because I would have no problem getting accepted again. You also said that the faculty would be willing to write me recommendations for any non-counseling program I wanted. I'm REALLY hoping you didn't lie to me. I should've learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, but you more or less pitched this as my only option so if for whatever reason I don't get in, or I'm denied recommendations from them, it will be one more insult to the ultimate injury. I LOVE it there, any degree I want that I can get there, I will get there, but finding out that you lied would be too much to take.

-- You said I could contact you, I don't want to wait too long since I can apply in the fall and it's already April, but technically I've only been out 2 months of my required 12. Realize to me it's been 6 though. I want to have that conversation early enough that I have time to organize and obtain materials and apply again if I want to, but not so soon that you think I haven't waited long enough. Also, Not sure whether I should disclose that or not in talking to you. Since it's considered a disability, I have a right not to, and other faculty have discouraged me from telling them. However, if you really want to help me succeed here, I feel like you need a full picture and if I don't tell you, I could easlly have this happen again.

-- This has been absolute HELL for me. There are some days I'm kind of almost maybe okay with it and others where I don't know how I'm still standing. The only way I could see you again would be to reapply and get back in, but I need a session (and sleep) desperately right now. I know I should find someone else for now, but I just can't. If I end up going back to you I need you to believe this disorder is real and I need you to take me seriously when I tell you I'm worried about something happening. The fact that everything happened exactly the way I said it would should help there, but it won't help if I feel like you aren't getting it or if you think I'm just being paranoid.