[Pein]

I can kinda understand where you are coming from on this. And with what I am about to say it is easier said then done but still is possible.

I can see you have a hobby that you enjoy. I'd suggest maybe finding a new hobby while doing the while drama team. Pick a really random hobby, For me it was powerlifting. And just start putting your focus on it. And just beat the crap out of it. It can be anything under the sun. Id suggest picking the most random one though. Something you'd never see yourself doing.

I'll use me for an example. I picked up powerlifting a while back just because I wanted to do something just off the beaten path. And I poured my life into it. I learned as much as I could and just started lifting. And while doing it I got into a zen like feeling. Where I was the only one there. I was in a room full of people but I still felt like I was the only one in there. And the zen type of feeling just transferred into my daily life. It took time but it happened.

And if you'd like just send me a message and I can try and help you out.