[Astar]

I see a counsellor reguarly for my anxiety/panic problems and the main advice I'm always given is that I need to gain more confidence and need to have a more positive outlook.
Probllem is I don't know how to do it. I spent most of the last three years looking back at the past, feelling guilty about it and often cutting myself as punishment. Aswell I spend almost of my time in 'dream world' where unliKekly situations work out and stuff I've hoped to happen does. I guess I do compare myself to others a lot but I'm trying to be honest when I say I'm not that pretty/talented/kind etc. I've been trying to tell myself I am but it feels wrong cos its so far from the truth if I say 'I'm a lovely person' or whatever.
I often think if I don't change my attitude and confidence increase people will get bored of me and replace me. .
I do a lot of acting but often don't win and each time this happens I get lower and I don't know how much longer I can cope with not succeeding.its gonna be worse next year as I'll be in full time drama training. But I love performing but want to punish myself for the failed attempts
I was hoping by next year to have enough confidence and be brave and happy enough for people to be able to have me as a real friend not someone who they have to walk on egg shells round not to hurt and who they are able to confide in and I'll be able to understand and help. I feel so trapped and lonely. I really think if I made a difference to myself then people would able to be different to me..I think? So. Really how are people confident or gaining confidence? Or happy and cheerful- not scared? Idk but I hate being hidden and feeling like I'm 'not real'
Thanks any advice would be helpful.