[hocus pocus]

Congratulations on going so long without cutting, that's amazing!

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to let your cousin get to you. You're not at fault for anything your younger cousin does. He's young, and naturally, he's going to get into things. However, that's all by his choice. We can't control the actions of other people; we can only control ourselves. Honestly, I don't think that the things your grandmother buys you has anything to do with your older cousin. It doesn't pertain to him and it's really not his business.

It might help if you create a safe and positive place that's just for you to recharge in. Keep that place cozy and uplifting so you can go and relax whenever you need to. You can also consider listening to music to drown out your thoughts and the voices of others as that can be quite helpful.

Do you have anyone you can confide in? Your grandmother, maybe? You don't deserve to do this alone and it's healthier to express your feelings. Consider documenting them in a journal or a blog. If you don't have anyone to talk to, you can always call a hotline and allow someone to talk you through your urges.

Stay strong, and I'm here if you need anything!