[JeSuisIngenue]

I had everything ready on the common app in November, including my essays, but then for some reason I panicked and didn't apply anywhere... Then, when my guidance counselor asked if I sent my applications in, I lied and said I did.
I'm so ashamed of myself. My friends are getting their acceptance letters now and I'm just.. stuck in this cycle.
I'm so afraid of growing up. I'm more or less financially independent, I buy my own groceries, pay rent, etc. But college... I don't understand how anything works. I'm so confused that I'm afraid. My severe ADD isn't helping, either.

I was stuck in this rut for three months and now it's almost the end of the year and I don't know what do to, which scares me even more because, is this how it's always going to be when I'm finally on my own? Brutally confused and then depressed?

if anyone could give me any advice, I'd be so grateful. I'm ridiculously lost and desperate. What have I done????