[Celyn]

Hi there,

I have similar feelings, and whilst I haven’t been diagnosed, it is one of my main reasons for seeking therapy, because it can get so intense.

I’m not a professional, and I don’t know much about separation anxiety (thought it was usually in toddlers and children?) but for me, personally, I feel that it may be some form of fear of abandonment. This isn’t an actual disorder but more of a symptom. Fear of abandonment can come from many things including depression, anxiety disorders, personality disorders and how you were brought up. It could also be low self-esteem and insecurity issues. When we feel we aren’t good enough, we worry that others might leave us because we don’t deserve their attention. Or with anxiety it could be ‘catastrophizing’ the process where one thought snowballs into another, each getting worse and more dramatic. With anxiety, we may overly worry about someone else’s safety, and worry what might happen to them. I would advise against self-diagnosis because there are so many things that this could fall under.

It is said that this type of fear, is primal. When we are younger, we depend on people to survive (we need them), but as we grow up, this dependence can become unhealthy; we need to trust that we can survive without them. I say this because

all I can think about is how I need her.

gave it away. I think that you need to trust that your girlfriend or mum are safe when they aren't with you, and that you are safe too. When they aren't with you, try distracting yourself. They will be there for you when they return, you just have to trust that.

The way to work around this is to rationalise your negative thoughts. What, realistically, are the chances that your girlfriend may be harmed in some way? Unless you know that she has had an abusive past or that people bully her, I would say that generally the chances that something would happen to her (or even your mum) would be quite low. It might help to work it out until the worst case scenario: if something bad did happen to your mum or girlfriend, ultimately, you would still survive. And whilst it would be terrible if something did happen, you would get through it. But remember that this is only ‘what if…’ and worrying about what may or may not happen is a waste of time and energy. Though it might help you to talk to your mum and girlfriend about how you feel, so that if anything bad were to happen, you would have a plan on what to do.

I would say to set aside a certain time to worry, and only worry within that time. If you find worrying thoughts popping into your head, tell yourself that you will worry about it later. Find ways of safely expressing your emotions, crying is a good, but what about drawing, writing, listening to music that suits your mood etc. Having other friends and participating in activities and hobbies may help, as you will realise that you don’t need to depend on a particular person to be happy or enjoy yourself. Building up self-esteem by reminding yourself of all your positive qualities, and positive things in general can also help.

I know that in the heat of the moment, logic tends to go out of the window, but try to remind yourself that there is no need to worry and work through rationalising your thoughts. Try to calm down as well, and do some deep breathing techniques (deep breath in for 3 seconds, out for 3 seconds, for a minute/until you have calmed down). This will help stop the panic attacks. When you feel calmer, try to take your mind of it and do something you enjoy so that you don’t fall into a depression. It’s best to talk to someone if you have suicidal thoughts, try checking out our hotlines.If you ever feel suicidal, please talk to someone or go to your nearest ER. It’s definitely something worth getting therapy/counselling for though.

Take care