I know that it's silly, but I guess a part of me still felt like we were alive, like there was hope for our relationship as long as we were "friends" online. I guess you don't feel that's the case, at least not anymore. Perhaps I was unwise to think it might be. But you made a choice and clicked that button, and in doing so you erased a lot more than just my name from your friends list- you erased five years of knowing each other. At least now I know where you stand, after all those months of trying to rekindle friendship in real life only to have it go nowhere.

If I could say something to your face, it would be that I am so incredibly sorry for the way I handled things. I forgot that we were trying to be on the same team, and saw you as the enemy, when you really never were. We had grown apart, but that wasn't cause to demonize you. I failed to see the good in our relationship anymore, but I acted as if I failed to see the good in you anymore. You deserved better than what I gave you. Four years together deserved better than I gave us. And when you find someone again, as I know you will, I hope that they value you for all the wonderful things you are.

I hope that someday you can forgive me. Maybe you already have; I have no way of knowing. But even if we never speak again, I will have always had us. I will have had the beautiful experience that was our relationship. Yeah, there were shit times, there were some really shit times, but overall I think it was good for me. It pushed me grow, and it eventually pushed me to grow beyond you. This is sad for me, but at the same time I am pursuing things now that make me happy. I hope the same for you.

In the end, I will always know I was lucky enough to get a love like my love for you. I am glad I had it for all its good and bad times, and I am glad for what its taught me about thyself. Thank you, C, for having been in my life. While I am sorry you don't want to be anymore, I will respect your decision and not reach out to you.