[Rivière]

Having been in a similar situation you're putting your ex-girlfriend in, I want to say a few things and hope it may provide you with an alternative perspective.

The last relationship I had was with a guy who I'd been with for nearly 3 years. I thought the absolute world of him and he was the kindest, funniest person I thought I'd ever met. He worked part-time, I was unemployed and so was able to see him whenever he was available, however, a year into our relationship I decided to return to college and take a few different courses, four in total, each had their homework, essay writing, project studies and exam revision requirements. 3 months later I'd had an exam which I found I'd failed, it finally hit me that I needed to work harder, so this meant less time spent with my boyfriend and more time spent on my education. Let me tell you, he did not like this one bit. It was ok for him to pick me up and drop me whenever it suited him, but as soon as I'd told him "I am unavailable due to homework" or "No I can't see you just yet because I'm revising" he wouldn't accept it and this is where our relationship began to deteriorate.

Not only was I dealing with my college education, which took up a lot of my time, I was dealing with some personal stuff as well as an emerging heal problem. Trying to get my boyfriend to understand that it isn't as though I didn't want to see him, but more that I couldn't walk properly due to said health problem, that I had home responsibilities (death in the family) and that I had 5 months before college finishes and I really needed to focus on these things but stated we can always see each other during weekends or whenever there are college breaks. This was never enough for him and soon it resorted in him ignoring my requests for some space so I could deal with things, particularly my educational studies and he'd reached a point where he'd outright not listen to me at all. He'd constantly bombard me with wanting to see me, constantly ask when I'm free, try and visit me in college to spend my free periods being with me or to walk around town for the entirety of some of them, which was never possible due to being at college, needing the free periods to catch up on homework/revise for exams and walking around wasn't possible because of my health issue. This went on for months, and I mean months. I'd tell him I needed space, he took more and more of it away. I'd tell him I just needed some time so I could finish my college work. He would refuse to give it to me. It reached a point where he'd actually follow my Facebook statuses and comment on them, or Like my posts.

For over 5 months I was dealing with a boyfriend whom I'd once cared so deeply for, to the point where I just wanted to be away from his clingy, possessive behaviour. I still thought highly of him as a person, but his behaviour was absolutely unacceptable to the point where I'd actually become so depressed and lonely that I began looking at other people. My boyfriend made me so unhappy because of his behaviour that I'd ended up with thoughts of taking my own life, something I had not done since I was 18 years old, and this to me was a huge signal that I just needed to get out of the relationship with him, be away from him and move on. However, even during the time I was telling him I'd split with him, he'd still not listen, he'd still tell me he'd, "Back off completely" and "Give me all the space I'd need" but by then it was too late and I just wanted him to stop talking to me, to stop being near me and to give me my own space permanently.

He claimed he loved me, however the one thing he failed to consider out of the whole ordeal was how I was feeling. The only thing he card about was, "Not losing me", so he tried to cling on as much as possible to the point where he'd overdo it and pushed me away completely, and permanently.

The moral of this story is that you're going to make your ex-girlfriend very ill. I understand that you may not want to lose her, that you feel threatened by other males trying to be with her, but honestly, you've made her very unhappy and the likelihood of her looking to seek comfort in another person just to get away from you is high. I mean no disrespect by this, but you are your own worst enemy. You are the one that has pushed her away by your possessive nature. The fact that you even chose to access her Facebook is one thing but wanting to know if she's seeing anyone else even though you're both no longer together is another. The moment you part ways, it's none of your concern.

If you truly love her as you say you do, and I genuinely think you do, please see your own faults here. Don't do as my boyfriend had done which was to become so possessive and clingy towards me that it permanently pushed me away. You may think you're suffering because you have to watch her be without you, that she may be looking for comfort in other guys, but it's also because of you that she does this. Respect her wishes, stop talking to her, prove to her that you are capable of doing as she asks. If you feel you can't do this, then she is better off without you.

Finally, when I was with my boyfriend, he bought me a lot of things, there are things I still keep that he'd bought me a year and a half after our split. This is not because I still have feelings for him, it's because the item I was gifted was either of use to me or because it, as an item, was genuinely nice. For the jewellery I was bought, I wear it not because he bought it me, but because I just like it.

All in all, take some time to reflect on your behaviour towards her. Give her time. Again, if you love her, wait for her no matter how long it may be. Not days, not weeks, but months or years. It just depends on how ready you feel you are to wait, and how able to you are to respect her requests.