[bitesize]

You know what, and I don't feel bad writing this because I'm a tiny bit drunk (off almost nothing) but sometimes I feel like I put so much into helping you and there's nothing back. I care about you so, so much. I know we're far away from each other but I do. I really do. And when you're feeling bad I want to help you, because you mean a lot to me, even when I've said all that stuff about not wanting to be someone's girlfriend and not wanting to have to worry about someone and deal with their problems. I don't think about it wih you because I care about you.

But I feel like it's not a two-way system. Honestly. Honestly? Completely honestly? If I was feeling bad, I wouldn't feel like I could come to you. Like I could call you. Like you'd lift me out of my anxiety and make me feel better. You'd probably take a day to reply to my message and then tell me that you missed me and that you love me and that I've changed your life, but not address the issue at hand.

The only person I'd ever really feel like asking for help with feeling bad would be him... and I gave up that privilege when I gave up my relationship with him, back in February.

I care about you a lot. I kind of love you. I sort of do. Not as much as I did him; not in the best-friend, alwaysthereforme, alwaysalways-made-me-feel-better way that I loved him and he loved me, but in a passionate I-barely-know-you-but-I'm-mad-about you kind of way. I don't like to hear that you're feeling bad. But I will put myself out there, without thinking twice, to try and make you feel better. I will say anything, I will call you, I will stay online at 2am.

But even though you say you love me, that you adore me, that you can't imagine life without me... I don't know if you'd do the same for me.