Thread: Triggering (Suicide): Feedback on my poem?
View Single Post
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Breathe~me Offline
Member
Average Joe
***
 
Breathe~me's Avatar
 
Name: Janine
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: lost and no where to be found ~ </3

Posts: 162
Points: 10,309, Level: 14
Points: 10,309, Level: 14 Points: 10,309, Level: 14 Points: 10,309, Level: 14
Join Date: February 28th 2012
Smile Feedback on my poem? - November 29th 2014, 07:45 AM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Just wondering if anyone wants to give me any feedback on this poem I wrote, the last stanza doesn't flow very well and I need abit of help fixing it


Because I'd rather succumb to sadness,
Than surrender to this monster,
Foreign to my vessel,
Destroying, Degrading, Depraving,
It lies within my body,
And merges with my soul,

Every night we talk,
It speaks but never listens,
Loud, Violent and Distressing,
Are the only words I seem to grasp,
To describe this heartless creature,
I'm just hoping these words won't be my last,

Tonight I dance with depression,
Until sadness clasps my hand,
Welcomes me as his company,
Tells me it's only temporary,
And that depression is a monster,
-That Will Never Last.

~ Words scar, Rumors destroy and bullies kill ~
~ I'm just another nobody.
~ You can't tell how much suffering is on a face that's always smiling </3
~ Be my friend.
hold me.
wrap me up.
unfold me.
I am small and needy.
Warm me up and breathe me.
❤❤❤
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Subscribe to me on Youtube <3 http://www.youtube.com/user/xJustAnotherNobodyx1
Or follow me on DeviantArt
http://lostinfragility.deviantart.com/