[Celyn]

Hi there,

Most people probably react strongly when hearing about rape, but more so if they have been affected by rape themselves, even if that means having no memory of it, you may have been triggered. This is also true for when you saw the doctor and were afraid of what was going to happen.

It is also possible if you were sociable as a child, and one day this stopped and you developed anxiety. Children don’t have the coping mechanisms to deal with trauma such as rape and sexual abuse. When this happens, children’s behaviour can change instead, and you can go from outgoing to withdrawn. Sexual abuse also can cause depression, anxiety and panic attacks, as well as feeling disconnected from your body.

You are also right that it is entirely possible to block out traumatic experiences, and a good give away of abuse is age inappropriate sexual knowledge and behaviour. This is also true for nightmares. It can be hard when you feel like you are missing parts of your memory and are trying to piece what you have together. This can be helpful for you to find closure, and to try to move on, but is not always necessary for overcoming your feelings. However, you may want to get professional help not only to help with this, but also manage your symptoms of anxiety and depression that you experience.

As the others have said, you can’t force yourself to remember. If anything happened, you will remember when your body feels you are able to cope with this.

Take care