I guess I'm just never fucking allowed to be happy, am I? Everything was finally perfect; therapy was going well, I was doing great in school, I'd worked things out with her, his and my relationship was finally getting back to a good place, and I finally wasn't so worried about the past anymore. Everything was fucking perfect, but it never gets to stay that way, does it? Something always fucking has to go wrong. And now there's this situation, this goddamn fucking ugly situation and I don't know how to fucking fix it. I lose something either way, and I'll be resentful of someone either way. I guess I don't get to be happy. As if I haven't already had enough pain in the last few months. As if my life weren't already enough of a goddamn mess.

I don't deserve this shit, dammit. I've suffered enough in my life. It's my turn to be happy, and you fucking have to take it away from me, don't you? You have to fucking make me choose. Well guess what, I don't want to choose. I don't want to play your stupid games. Go fuck with someone else's life and leave me alone. I've gone through enough shit. You're a fucking asshole, you fucking fuck, giving people peace and happiness just to snatch it all away from them. I bet you feel so superior. If you're so perfect why do you have to fuck with people, huh? I thought you loved us. And don't give me that bullshit about "suffering makes you stronger;" I've had enough strengthening in the past few years. Why don't I get to catch a break, huh? When will things smooth out for me? I'll probably regret saying all this later, and I still love you, but right now I'm fucking pissed, and I think you can probably handle it. After all, I have to tell someone, and it might as well be you.

Sometimes I don't know why you saved me. Sometimes I think you should have just let me die that day. Because I'm obviously worth nothing. Absolutely nothing. And maybe everything does happen for a reason, I don't know. But right now I am really struggling to know what that reason is.

I miss you.