[rosey1228]

I have been in hospital for over 2 years in which i found out i had bulimia nervosa, i have been tubed because i refused to eat and keep anything down. i have recently moved from an adolescent ward to an adult ward, and they do not understand me at all, i have no one who get the problem, there is no one else who suffers from this there, so they seem to lack understanding of it. i feel like a total faker because somedays i eat everything and others nothing. they dont let me throw up at all, and pace around they even have restrained me to stop me moving! latley i have put on loads of weight i weigh around [Edited] where i was [Edited]. ive been binging so much latley and havent been able to throw up or take laxatives, so i guess that why i have put weight on. but as a punishment i have been self harming to punish myself for eating too much and putting on weight. i just feel disgusting all the time, so fat and ugly. i can literally feel the fat on my body. im scared to not eat or i might get tubed, and im scared to eat i just dont know what to do anymore. i cant talk to anyone at the unit they just dont get it. how can i make this better and gain control i want to be thinner and skinnier i want to be [Edited]. help!