[emerson]

I want to go off my meds, now. I don't even know who I want to say this to. Doctor, Mother, Friend, please listen to me.... I need to be off my meds starting now so that I can experience the end of school and summer while I get back to normal.
Once I'm off the meds, see, I'll experience sadness again (like now but heavier) and those sinking feelings. I'm ready for it, BUT I'll need to associate the feelings with the end of this year (have them now too) and in Costa Rica so that, come fall, at the start of the incredibly stressful experience that will be school next year, I'll be able to associate the sinking feelings with more familiar times. Better times. These last few months of this school, and then Costa Rica. I'll need that. Without it I don't know how I'll cope.
But I can't go off my meds because you won't let me. And you're right. Not until this summer, when there's nothing going on. Gentler times.
But I'll be so terrified next year; it'd be... less... if I could begin the de-numbing process now.