Why are you not fucking taking me seriously? I'm not stupid. I GET that they probably won't find anything; that's why I don't want to fucking go. You fucking people always think it's goddamn anxiety. I KNOW what my anxiety attacks feel like! There is never, EVER any physical pain involved with them. So I don't get why you don't fucking listen to the person who has anxiety problems about their own anxiety.

And Christ on a cracker, I told you this only happens AFTER I SMOKE. This is not a PULLED MUSCLE. I was doing nothing strenuous at the time and I've been getting these pains after smoking for months now. This time it's just not going away and that scares me. I don't want "nothing's wrong" to suddenly and irreversibly turn into "something is very wrong." I mean I'm not saying I'm going to have a heart attack, but I'm telling you, something is off. Hopefully I'm wrong. Hopefully nothing is wrong and it is a pulled muscle like you think it is. I really, really hope that's the case, because if there's ever a time I've wanted to say "you're right, I'm wrong," it's now.

Oh, and on a similar note, stop acting like I'm a fucking inconvenience! You want me to be honest and open with you but that's not going to happen when almost every time you act like I am somehow ruining your day with my problems. There's only so many times I can take it before I stop coming to you, and that day is approaching very, very quickly.