[Catharsis.]

I know I don't even have the right to post here and I know that no-one here wants to even remember I exist and I know that they're all right in feeling that way but fuck it.

Life feels like a fucking prison right now. It's like suicide watch. No sharp objects, nothing I could hang myself with, all pills taken away, parents checking me for scars even though I'm a bloody adult now. My only escape is forbidden. Basically the only thing that makes life worth living for I can no longer do.

Because there's no other reason to be alive. I'm not going to get any better, ever. I'm just here waiting to die, waiting for a moment when I can be set free of all this strife. I have no reason to be alive, nobody wants me alive and I don't fucking want to be here. The opportunity to harm myself was the only reason I stayed for the last couple of months, and, now that it's well and truly gone, why stay?

I need help but I don't want it. I wouldn't be able to get it anyway. My parents would disown me if they knew what was really going on in my head.

Just wish I could be allowed die in dignity by taking my own life. It's a pathetic life I've led and it'll only be more and more pathetic. I'm fat and unloveable and stupid. Nobody cares. I deserve to die a lonely death by suicide and that's it.