[hocus pocus]

Hi there and welcome to TeenHelp!

As Corrie said, if you are under the influence of alcohol you cannot give consent. Therefore it is considered rape.

Lack of memory could be from the alcohol you consumed but it also could be from dissociation, or a combination of both. Often times during a traumatic experience in which you can't physically flee, you will flee mentally and that is known as dissociation. Some people who struggle with it describe it as going numb or blacking out. We can't tell you for sure if you struggle with dissociation but it may be something worth looking into.

If by chance you did dissociate, memories of what happened can come back on their own when your body feels as though you are ready to deal with it.

I think you should talk to a professional so you can work through the negative feelings that you're dealing with.