Thanks.
First off, I want to say I am very prideful and I dont like asking for help because I don't want to look stupid. It's stupid I dont like to ask, I know, but I hate feeling helpless. Even like now I feel like Im bothering people and I dont want to make my problems other people's problems. It also doesn't help that my parents are constantly telling me I need to get better at problem solving. And I try to think positive but Im a perfectionist so Im always very critical. I also compare myself to others and Im very competitive, but Im never the best no matter how hard I try and everything has gotten so much harder in school and out and Im not used to it being so difficult.
I've been thinking about going to the counselor but, as I just said, I dont like asking for help. And this is especially hard to talk about. It's easier right now because its online and im not talking face-to-face with you.
I try to take things day by day, but even that is hard. Just getting myself out of bed in the morning is a challenge. Even during the summer I would lie awake in the morning for hours cos I just didn't want to get up. Well, not that I didnt want to per
se, i just had no reason, no motivation. Normally when people have a bad day they're like "oh, I cant wait for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better." But for me "tomorrow" is the exact same as "today" so it doesnt matter what day it is. I dont want it to be the next day because it will just be the same thing as the day before.
I try to enjoy things like spending time with my friends, but most of the time I dont feel any joy, or any emotion at all. Its like there's a black hole inside me, destroying my entire being. Sorry, i make weird comparisons. Anyway thank you for your advice and thanks for listening.
