[ElectricWizard]

The last few days have been ok. She passed her maths GCSE! and I'm so proud of her for that. We exchanged letters we had written for each other because yesterday, we celebrated being together for 3 months, her letter brought a tear to my eye. It rejuvenated me, I was filled with new found hope, and were stronger than ever. All she needs is hope, and you people are helping me fill her with it! Thank you!

Today she had a rough morning, she had one of her dreams, and then a message saying she wasn't in the best of moods and wanted to be alone. This is in school, so me and a group searched for her and we found her, despite her wanting to be alone. I was scared she was cutting. When we found her, she went Into the toilets, of course, I'm not allowed into the girls toilets, so I waited. She could of been doing anything for all I know, but when she came out, she wouldn't stop snapping at her wrist with a rubber band. I knew she was going through an urge, at least now I know what she's like, extremely quiet, unresponsive, I just didn't know what to do, I had no time to put my arm around her, because I don't know how she'd react, I asked her if she was ok, no response. I saw her during my 2nd lesson, and I didn't know how to approach her, I didn't see her during my break because she didn't want to see anyone. By lunch, I decided to find her no matter what, and when I found her, she was happy! She held my hand and I never wanted to let go, but I was ruined by the librarian who forced me out. We saw each other after school and it went well.

And I was reading a book she was reading herself, and the prologue triggered her, and it made me so upset, because reading it, the author described it as a beautiful thing when it's not, I just want to hold her tonight...

I've finally convinced myself I can do this, for her. I want to be with her forever, I want to hold her in my arms and never let go, because she deserves only the best. Seeing her so crushed and upset today has only made me stronger, i think i can do this and although I am upset myself still, I can only love her to death. I'll make her happy, stronger, I'll fight for her, no matter what, and I will not stop, I will not give in, we won't lose...

Thank you for your endless support