[lovelyx]

so i started highschool almost a month ago, i knew before coming in i would have no friends, but i didnt know it would be this bad. I think the thing that makes it worse is that i do have acquaintances, and they question why im alone. I get so embarrassed because they tell me to go make friends, and pitty me. Its been almost a month and im starting to lose hope that i will soon make friends. I feel so alone, that even at home im sad and feel like im alone. Its so hard to make friends because people come in with their group of friends from middle school and keep it like that, almost as if they dont want anyone new in their group. To make it worse theres a guy that i like, and even though i think he likes me as well,i know he thinks im a total loser he asked why i sit alone and i told him the truth ( i always answer with something like " i dont really know anyone here " ) and he told me i should make friends, but he told me in a way as if it was so easy and if i couldnt do it, theres something wrong with me. I felt so sick, i wanted to leave school. I was finally starting to be ok with being alone until he made me feel pathetic, he probably didnt mean to but he did.
I honestly feel sick when i think about going back there and having go sit there at break and lunch. There are no clubs i fit in, and there isnt any sports i can join yet. I feel like my whole high school life is going to be like this. I have never been so unhappy, i would never expect having no one to hang out with would make me hate myself so much. Im unable to just put myself out there, im too shy to just introduce myself to people, but i always try to contunue conversations. I guess i just want to know if anyone hs gone through the same thing for a while.