[nintendude]

it does hurt for me to be around her sometimes, knowing that stuff with another guy is developing, and that it's happening because her mom likes him instead of me, and likely because of race and superficial reasons. it would hurt her for me to be away from her too, because im still one of the most important people in her life. not just because we dated, but we have known each other for a while. i'd like to stay friends with her, even if it hurts. we still enjoy each other's company a lot and sometimes even feel incomplete without each other.

at the moment, all im hoping for is that time and space will allow her to experience this, and that if she really loves me like she still says, she would eventually come back to me, either not caring what her parents have to say, or maybe my relations with her mom would be better.

but the hope turns on and off because i think about both possibilities, that everything will be happy and im with her, or i can still never be with her no matter how much we love each other.

im not one to kinda search out girls and make the first move. she was the first girlfriend i had because she was the first person to reciprocate my feelings. i dont find myself to be too attractive. but this girl is seriously amazingly beautiful. its not comforting for me to hear "there are others out there" because while yes i may find someone else as may she, right now i dont care to try anyone else.