[Celyn]

Hi Paige,

That sounds like a very difficult and frustrating situation to be in! Have you talked to your boyfriend about how you feel about all of this? Or asked him how he feels about the situation? It’s kind of clichéd but good communication can definitely help.

It is good that he is such a caring person to help out, but you are right for feeling that it has become problematic.

With regards to his mum; has she always been this way or has it got worse since your boyfriends step dad passed away? I’m wondering if there are underlying issues as to why she doesn’t work and gets into debt, and maybe the passing of your boyfriends step dad has made her become more insecure. How is your boyfriend’s relationship with his mum? Maybe he could talk to her about it? It’s good that he is willing to help out, but if it has been like this for a long time, it isn’t really fair on your boyfriend.

As for his sister, it is understandable that she relies on him like a father, but you are right for saying that it is not his responsibility. I don’t know how old she is, but how is her social life? Would she be allowed to have friends over whilst you and your boyfriend can do other things? Also what about her relationship with her mum? I get the feeling that she may be clingy towards your boyfriend if she doesn’t have a stable parental relationship.

I don’t know what to say about his brother. It is not fair that your boyfriend has most, or all, of the responsibility for the family, when his brother does not seem to do much. Could your boyfriend perhaps talk to him and say he would appreciate the help sometimes?

It is very understandable that you feel this way. You and your boyfriend sound like very mature people, who simply want to save up for a place together. You are not a horrible person for feeling this way. It is not fair on you or your boyfriend that he is relied upon so heavily when it seems that the rest of the family take advantage of that. It is also not healthy for his family, if there are underlying issues, that they rely so much on your boyfriend. One day, he will ‘fly the nest’ as they say, and then what? It can be difficult when your family and his family have different attitudes to work, but that still does not make it right, for them to be relying on him. Obviously, families are important, but it’s not fair on you to feel this way, so my advice really is to talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.

Hope things work out for you both!