[mindflower]

This yearbook has so many pictures of Matthew and Patrick and none of them have me in them so I'm kind of angry but why should I be angry its not like they're mine its not like I have them or ever did its not like I ever mattered I'm invisible and literally I am not in this fucking book.
I don't know why I can't forget about him but I really need to because I hate myself constantly for thinking about the roughness of his knuckles or the dirt on his shoes or the color of his lips and it makes me want to die.
Bad enough that I still have to see Matthew every day and leave classes to cry about how much I need him but no now I can't get the daydreamy nightmares of Pat to leave I just....
I'm pathetic.
I want food.