[mindflower]

I want these guys to leave me alone but I'm too much of an insecure wuss to do so. Last time I tried to tell one of them off... it was just bad that's all. Part of me thinks I deserve their shit.
All I need right now is him so I don't pull my hair out or start sobbing or just be stupid.
College is so confusing. Money is confusing and life is confusing. Love is confusing. What.
School starts tomorrow and even though I'm pretty excited I'm also pretty terrified. I'm scared of not having anyone I know in my classes. I'm scared of walking down the hallways alone. I'm scared of AP classes and of my ADD. I'm scared of being forgotten in band, or triggered in choir, and I want basic musicianship back so much. I'm scared of being alone at homecoming. I'm scared of being made fun of by the seniors or being hated again by most of the theater department and I'm terrified of auditions for any of the shows. I'm just so scared.
My sleep patterns are bad again.
My puppy is still sick and she might not come home tonight.
I'm supposed to be writing an essay but whatever.
I'm only 5 days clean of SH and I kind of need to do it again.