[Kate*]

I'm not sure which would be worse at this point, getting a "no" answer, or getting no answer at all. I know I'll eventually get one because they can't just not tell me, but I'm afraid it's going to come too late. I'm a nervous wreck either way. I'm either terrified of what happens if they say no or I'm terrified of being allowed to have what I want because they've convinced me that I can't do it. Not knowing is worse though because I get to be terrified of what the answer will be and what happens in both outcomes. At least once I know which way it's going I only have one thing to be afraid of. I need to get back in to see him, but it's only possible if they let me stay and they need to tell me ASAP! I'm not expecting an answer on a weekend, but if I don't have one by tomorrow afternoon, I have no choice but to start pushing them. He told me he'd talk to him and that was a week ago. They've had 2 weeks, I have 1 before I have to be ready. I can't wait any longer.

Most of the time when I freak out like this, it ends up not being as bad as I think, I'm hoping this turns out the same way, but there's always the chance that it won't and that's what the anxiety survives on. As soon as they make their decision, if I'm staying I'm immediately making another appointment with him. He may not be my favorite person, but he helps and that's what I need him for.