[hocus pocus]

Hi there,

A lot of times, self-harm becomes a cycle with the feelings that you mentioned: self-harming, feeling guilty, and doing it again. As you know, self-harm can be addictive but since you just started recently I am sure you will be able to cope healthily with your emotions.

The time it'll take to heal depends on the depth of the cut. Since you said they aren't that deep, they probably won't take too long to heal. In the meantime, be sure to keep them clean and you can apply an ointment such as Neosporin too. The scars also depend on the depth; but when your scars turn white that means that they are as faded as they can get. Applying any sort of lotion to the area can stimulate movement of cells to fade it faster.

I respect your reasons for not wanting to talk about your triggers, but if you know what triggers you that's a good start. With that information, you can figure out how you'd like to work through your triggers. If you feel as though there are more that you are unaware of, try keeping a journal or a blog. When you feel the need to harm yourself, check out this list of alternatives. This page has a lot of them and a few are definitely bound to help you. It may take a while for you to find alternatives that you favor, but you'll find some with time.

As for excuses, injuries in larger number such as what you mentioned will be noticed as deliberate.

I know you don't want to be told that you should talk to someone but I want you to at least take this in consideration. Talking to someone can enable you to get the help that you need.