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Yes, I definitely see what you mean and understand your viewpoints on everything you have said.

I can understand your views on antidepressants. Not everyone feels comfortable with taking a medication, so you aren't the only one in that boat. If you ever did see someone about this, remember that you don't necessarily have to take any sort of medication.

Maybe you can do things with your time that will make you feel good about yourself. Take volunteering, for example. It can be with children, animals, helping others that you can relate to, or doing something else entirely. At the end of the day, instead of feeling bad, maybe you will be feeling good knowing that you did something really good for someone or something else.

Or, exercise! I'm not one for exercising myself ( ) but I have heard that for many people, it is a good outlet since it can help them release their emotions. Not only that, it will be keeping your body healthy, and sometimes simple changes like eating right, getting exercise, and getting a good amount of sleep can really make a person feel good.

Have you ever tried turning your feelings into something creative, like a piece of writing or art? Then you'll have something nice to show for what you have gone through, something to be proud of.

It is understandable that after using self harm for so long, it would be hard to think of other coping mechanisms on the spot. Maybe you can leave the list of some of the alternatives and some reasons why you shouldn't self harm (such as that it is temporary and your life can be changed) with whatever you use to self harm. That way, when you go to get that tool, you see all the positive things and maybe reconsider.