[Catharsis.]

TRIG: Complete disillusionment.

It's strange how things can seem so certain, and then fall apart within days. Everything is so transient.

In general, the actual world around you doesn't change. It's as shit as it ever was. I'm fucking sick of looking around me and seeing nothing but bleakness and injustice everywhere. Shit things happen to good people and good things happen to shit people. Rich countries blow up kids and hoard wealth from large sections of their own populations. Everyone I see on the streets of my hometown is slowly dying a painful death, not just from the disease and deprivation we have in abundance here, but from the weight of living in general. Belief in karma is comfort for the despairing, but not for me, as all I ever see is the reverse.

However, the more subtle things that really create the bigger picture, they fucking change too quick. Nothing shapes the world more than its inhabitants. The wool can't be kept over your eyes for a few minutes or you're out of touch. It's why I should never depend on anything good lasting long. Because the mat can and will be pulled from under my feet and I'll fall rapidly. All the good things I actually came close to believing about myself and this life, they turn out to be lies.

All my life, I've just been something people could do without. Something people wanted to distance themselves from. Something people rightly detested and feared being like. They were bloody well right all the fucking way along.