Hi there,
first of all, I'd like to link to an old thread here, if you want, have a read of my posts. The core of the topic is different, but the story behind it resembles yours, so my responses there partially apply to you, too!
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f6-se...ginity-escort/
Secondly, yeah I know how you're feeling. Got rejected probably dozens of times before I got my first kiss (at age 19, I believe). The feeling of rejection is mostly reserved for men in this society. Men have it hard when it comes to dating, especially those who are not as active as they are passive when it comes to making the first step (and the second, third, fourth, fifth...which usually men have to do). To make matters worse, society puts, as you already realized, pressure and shame onto men who refuse to be someone they're not, who refuse to be someone who is outgoing and asking women out on dates and never expects the woman to take the initiative. Those who just don't have the personality of such a person, and would have to fake it. And those who are simply out of luck.
Again, read more about that in the thread I linked.
In fact, I would suggest you read it and then talk to me about it here, where we can also talk about open points I haven't gone into.
I'd really like to help you, as I can empathize with you. Unfortunately, there's no patent remedy. But first of all, you have to forget what you are usually told:
- Relax, you will find someone
- Dates come when you least expect it, so stop looking
- any other bull... of that kind.
Those statements work for those for whom being passive works (mostly women), while they can do more harm than good to those who have to be active and face rejection after rejection (like us) before they get any success.
Three of my buddies are in their late twenties/very early thirties. All three are virgins. One has been looking, got rejected a dozen times and gave up. The other two are passive, they're open for a flirt if a woman makes the first step, but they're still waiting today. When they ask for advice they are still, at their age, given the above "advices". None of them is awkward, otherwise I wouldn't choose to be around them. They all are what you would call "average" - not prominent, but standing on solid ground with both legs, not awkward but not very social either. Just nice company. They don't look like models, but they don't have repelling looks either. Just average. Unfortunately, average is not good enough these days.
It'll also be mostly women telling you to cherish your virginity. Again, this works for them, because it increases their social status (some men prefer virgins). It does the opposite to men. They are shamed for it, taught they must have issues, and that no experienced woman will want them, which, to some extent is true - women you date are influenced by society, too, and sometimes join in the virginity shaming and feel repelled because of how they were programmed by society. But there are many who will not mind (at least not until you're 25). I was a late bloomer, too, and my first one didn't mind at all. Just don't bring it up as an awkward confession. As weird as it sounds, being yourself when the party starts rolling is the best you can do. When you're kissing, don't apologize for anything. Same applies to sex. Just do what feels good!
Oh, and welcome to
th.
R.