being apart from you is painful - i think i love you.
Am i just going through infatuation? is that the beginning of love? I'm so scared that this feeling won't last, one of us will change. What if its me? you don't deserve for me to hurt you. i don't want to. What if i make promises too quickly? What if i just tell you what you want to hear? You wouldn't believe me anyway.
Yes i lie, i hide so much of the time. I am ASHAMED of myself and the things that i do. I know theyre stupid, and i do them anyway. Which is worse. I HATE knowing you don't trust me, i hate more knowing that you're right not to. Why do i feel like i can just live properly?
I'm throwing away all the good opportunities that i have, just for an "easy" life. Which, in truth, isn't easy, it just makes me depressed.
I'm genuinely starting to feel like i have depression - why??? when i have you and so many wonderful things in my life
I spend all of my time trying to work out how i can AVOID the things i need/WANT to do -why am i just trying to ruin things for myself? Just so i can lose you and crawl away into oblivion and tear myself apart.