[mindflower]

I just.... I don't see any point in living...
I want to cry so badly, I can't handle this stress or anxiety or urges....
I can't STOP picturing fresh, deep cuts down my arms, I keep wanting to tear my hair out and smash windows, I can't... I CAN'T.
I feel like a race car inside of my body but outside I just want to fall over and sleep forever. Parts if me are uncontrollably fast and panicking, and other parts are just... dead....
I'm so done with school, I hate grades and I hate some of the assholes in my school and I feel so trapped and judged and so misunderstood.
And I'm so tired of counting the seconds until he breaks up with me because I can already feel him wanting me out of his life again, I know it, I know it.... He doesn't want me. I'm so... scared because I know if I lose him I won't be able to handle it so I might as well just leave now.
No one will care.
I was called a freak, a slut, and a bitch today and I know they were all kidding but no. I can't..... deal with that....
And my mom, MY MOM. I don't really think I can forgive her this time....
I don't know what I'm doing..... Why am I here?