[bitesize]

- I'm sorry that I'm such a snarky bitch to you, but I feel like I can never forgive you for always treating me like a child, my whole life. It's an anger that I feel will maybe never go away, and it's terrible but I can't deal with it. It's why I tell you nothing, why I react with anger when you try to give me advice, why I act like a monotonic robot around you. I was myself around you, for a while, when I was sixteen and seventeen, I was my quirky, playful, giggly self, and then you accused me of being on drugs, and that ruined it forever.

- Gurr. I'm so annoyed at you that you turned out to be a dick. You really owe me an apology. You were so confusing and I think that's why I'm still annoyed at you instead of having forgotten about you by now.

- Oh my. I really wanted to kiss you on Saturday night (Sunday morning??) I'm not sure where that came out of, unless it was just alcohol and our nice chat and our long hug. I'm so glad you didn't make any moves yourself because I'm not sure I could have contained myself and it would have been a terrible, terrible idea. And I really am ridiculously fond of you as a person. Why am I so attracted to everyone I used to work with?? I need to sort myself out.

- I'm not really sure what to say. I'm not really sure what to think about this whole situation?? It's...grand, and I like it, and it's just... there, and there's not much to think into it?? I was outside college with SM and SD last week on one of our numerous study breaks from those endless shifts in the library and SM said 'Tell me something interesting. Something going on with you.' And I thought and I said 'Well, I'm sleeping with a guy from Cavan,' which got a slightly more perked-up response than talking about what topics we thought would come up on the Developmental exam, haha. And then I realised that yes, I am sleeping with you. And I don't really want any more commitment than that but I know we're already a bit too attached and this should never really have gone this far, but it's too fun and it's nice to know I am physically able to have sex like this and oh well. And on Sunday when you told me the room was bright because I was there and I'm bright I thought that was really sweet and I may not want to be your girlfriend or even find you that attractive but I think we have this weird connection and we were always meant to have sex, maybe even way before that night ages ago when we nearly kissed. And even though I'm still in love with him and can't think about him without hurting this isn't a distraction from that, it's just a totally separate thing that's just different and is just sex.

Oh. So maybe I did have something to say on the subject after all.

- So you haven't been in contact about singing and we STILL haven't talked about you trying to kiss me in the Village in March and I'm starting to think that you've ruined this friendship forever and I'm so, so annoyed at you because of that. FUCK you.