I do love you. I have periods where I don't feel like I do, and then something makes me remember with a pang of sorrow. I don't whether that sorrow is me mourning what we seem to have lost or whether it's a call for a genuine need to try and fix things. The truth is, I do not know what to do. I do not want to distance myself from my feelings (or you) completely, but I do not wish to be swayed into a situation that really isn't good anymore, either.

The truth also is, I do not know what I hope to get from this. He asked me today, and I realized I didn't know. I say I want to fix it, but do I really? I almost feel like if you respond that you do want to fix things I will feel disappointed. We have done this dance many times before, but this time I mean it. There are consequences for the behaviors like you had last week, and I need you to recognize the gravity of them. I cannot, I will not, do this again. I am not bluffing; as much as I know I love you I will not hesitate to leave.

I need to know whether or not you can meet me at my level, and I need you to do it for the right reasons, not just because you fear losing me, because that fear has never been enough to make you progress to the level we need to be at for a mutually beneficial relationship. I can't do anymore "I think I can"s. I need you to know whether you can or not. If you can, it will take time to prove to me that you can; this isn't just another "misunderstanding" you can sweep under the rug. If you decide to do this, there is no more sweeping things under the rug. This will not be an easy fix. If you can't, that's okay. Just be honest and tell me now, because I don't want to have to wait to go through this pain again to find out. If you don't know, we stay where we are until you can figure it out.

Things changed last week. I need you to understand just how much. We aren't just going to be able to pick ourselves back up out of this one.