[ImALoser]

I just want to thank you in advance if you actually read this. You don't know how much I appreciate it.

I'm 15 and I don't really have any friends. I have people that I sit with at school but they don't really seem like friends, not close friends anyway. I'm not hated by everyone it just seems no one really likes me that much and couldn't care less about me. It sometimes bothers me that I don't have any friends and other times I'm really strong about it and I'm like "The only person I need is myself". I keep repeating that phrase over and over again to myself, but I can't help but to get a bit lonely at times. I just came out of a very long depression, I lost all of my friends when I was in my depression because I hardly talked to anyone I was so sad. I used to get bullied really bad and I cut myself sometimes, and I would starve myself, and I was going to kill myself, but at this point in my life and I'm the happiest I've ever been, and I'm finally learning to accept me for who I am, and I'm focusing on my recovery, but when I look at my calendar and see how I never have any plans, it kind of makes me sad again. I am really happy when I'm alone, sometimes I prefer to be alone, but I think it would be much better to have friends. Someone to call on a Friday night or a Saturday and say "Let's hang out". I feel like my depression is coming back because I spend so much time alone in the weekends, over vacations, ect. I'm close with my mom, but she's not interested in the same things I am, we're opposites. I don't have a relationship with my dad anymore. I just feel like a loser, I just want to cry, Have nobody to talk to or have fun with. When I see people my age laughing and having fun at lunch while I'm sitting alone, it makes me so sad. I just want to be a part of something. I want to know how to make friends with people you already know a little. Like at school and stuff. Why is it no one wants to be friends with me? I'm into the same stuff as people my age and I don't feel much different from everyone else yet I feel so far away from everyone. It's just like my heart is so empty. I have nobody to hug or cry to when I'm sad. Please anyone, just one answer would help me. Is there anyone else out there like me? Because if there was it would make me feel so much better. idk what to do any help would be nice, Thank you so much.

xoxoxo
Lex